letter to son #3

April 14, 2012

Dear Cooper,

Happy Birthday! Like your brothers, I plan on writing you a letter every year on your birthday so that someday when you turn 18 you can read them. This is letter #1. Your mother plans on doing the same thing, but by now you know how much she likes to procrastinate. Don’t tell her I said that.

A year ago you came into our world on a brisk Thursday. You came a little later than what we expected, so maybe you have a little bit of your mommy’s procrastination. I was hoping you’d come out earlier on my birthday so we could celebrate together, but it’s good that you have your own day to yourself.

You came a little slower than we expected as well. Your brothers both popped out as soon as Mom got to the hospital… but you were a little stubborn. The doctors gave her some medicine to speed up the process and about 4 hours later (around noon) you finally came out to play. You were crying like a baby, literally. Sorry I didn’t cut your umbilical cord… the only thing I could think of was “this is going to hurt.” And you were crying like a baby.

Your brothers were super excited to see you. Mason went from little brother to big brother and was really pumped. I say big brother, but my guess is you’ll catch up to him by 6^th grade since he’s a little guy right now and you might be the tall one in the family. We keep telling him to be nice to you because someday you’ll be able to beat him up.

This year has flown by. You’ve grown so big and I can’t wait to see how you progress these next few years. I can definitely tell that you catch on to things quickly and are a very observant baby boy. It helps to have two older brothers. I hope you learn the good stuff from them the most cause they can be pretty naughty. One thing you always do is pull the power cord out of my laptop no matter how many times I say no. You also put everything in your mouth. If someday you finally poop out a Lego Star Wars guy and wonder where it came from, now you know.

I can tell you’re going to be athletic. You understood how to hit a ball with a bat at about 8 months. You learned to crawl instead of army crawling like your brothers. You started walking/stumbling around 11 months, but are now taking to walking pretty consistently. You haven’t really said your first word yet, but you do like to babble like you know what you’re talking about.

Your grandma and grandpa love you like crazy and you love them right back. But of course you love Mom the most. In fact, you give her big hugs and love cuddling with her just like your brothers still do. We don’t plan on having any more kids so you’re most likely the youngest… and Mom is going to spoil you rotten.

Out of the three, you look the most like me… so heads up on being the most popular, most athletic, coolest kid in town. Just learn to be as modest as I am. J Another thing is that we’re both the youngest children. I know how you feel and I may side with you a lot of times down the road. But don’t take advantage of being the youngest as an excuse to get what you want. By default, you’ll always be the baby just like how grandma still considers me. Your older brothers may do things to toughen you up because that’s what older brothers do. I hope you learn from them, but follow your own path.

You love to smile and laugh like your brothers. I hope that never goes away. Life will challenge you and continue to challenge you so don’t ever forget how to appreciate what you do have. You are a fun-loving kid and I know you’ll find the best in people. If you ever need to talk to me, I hope you realize that I’m not just your Dad, but your friend. 

Love,

Dad

P.S. Yes... Coop/Cooper rhymes with poop/pooper. I really don't think you'll get picked on because of your name as you get older. You're way too cool to let it bother you anyway. As for how we got your name, mommy and I both liked the name and it stuck. I am pretty sure it fits you and will continue to as you grow older. Hey, you're Cooperman!

3 minute mark

I have noticed that my favorite part of quite a few songs happens around the 3 minute mark. Maybe it’s the solo that comes in, the beat takes a different turn, or the chorus kicks in. Whatever it is, it’s the part that you wait for the most. Don’t believe me? Check yourself. It’s not like some unexplained phenomena and when you think about it makes sense. Most songs are about 4 minutes long. They start slow and build up to the finish. Well, actually they build up to the 3 minute mark and then it tapers off to the finish.

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because I think life has a way of imitating art. As we navigate through our own lives we may wonder when things get better. We may like how life is going, got no complaints, but maybe we’re still waiting for something big to happen… that 3 minute mark. It could be a promotion, vacation, birthday, holiday, some get-together, or any kind of a fishing/shopping/spa/golf trip. Whatever it might be, it’s the moment that gets us through the days and weeks of monotony.

But maybe you don’t like how things are going. Life isn’t easy and you’ll find yourself in stretches of bad songs. The good news is the track your currently on will have an end and a new one will begin. It may not be as easy as hitting a button, but you do have some control over the soundtrack of your life.  

So wait for it… the 3 minute mark is right around the corner. And when it comes, enjoy it. Still don't believe me?

Coldplay - Fix You

3rd Eye Blind - The Background

Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying





The Killers - Human

Just add water

We live in a “just add water” society. We want the quick and easy. We have no time it seems to sit under the cork tree and smell the flowers like Ferdinand. It’s too bad because we don’t know what we’re missing out on.

For example…

Cell phones… a very useful tool, but at what cost? I remember back even in high school calling friends from your home phone (having a cordless was a luxury by the way) to arrange a time to meet. You had to trust that they were going to be where they said they’d be. More often than not, they would be there early or on time because you didn’t want to leave the other person hanging. Now-a-days, you show up late after you send them a text to the fact. The person on the other end was counting on them being late anyway and planned accordingly. Maybe that’s why we need all these conveniences in life (cell phones, instant coffee, fast food, etc.) because we just don’t have time since we’re constantly playing catch up. But maybe these conveniences in life are the reasons why we’re constantly behind.

We also lose face-to-face time. Who needs to meet when you can pick up your cell and call that person? It’s even worse now with texting. Who needs to actually hear that person’s voice when you can send a text? Just when you think we couldn’t get more detached, it has. Why text when you can see their tweet or status update? Pretty soon will have surrogates (like the movie with Bruce Willis) doing things for us.

What worries me is this is how are kids grow up. Jake was shocked when he found out we didn’t have cell phones growing up. He couldn’t even imagine what life must have been like. It was great to be honest. I didn’t have a PS3 or Wii like he does to distract me. I had to go outside and throw a tennis ball against the stairs for three hours to work on fielding ground balls. I had to go shoot some hoops to work on my jumper. I rode my bike all day long and got some exercise. It’s no wonder obesity in children is becoming a bigger epidemic.

Television… it’s prolly worse than crack. With unlimited channels to watch, anyone can find anything at any time (On Demand). I had five channels growing up. Sometimes we had to add tinfoil to the bunny ears to get better reception. Now it’s in High-Definition. Why pay $150 to go to the game when you can get better angles and cheaper food from the comfort of your own home? But you can’t duplicate the energy of a crowd, see the receiver breaking free from the secondary, get the sudden rush from a nearby foul ball… you can’t replicate these things even if 3D is the new thing. I am predicting one day that television will be 3D holograms. It’ll be something you lay down on a flat surface that projects an image upwards like something out of Star Wars. You can forget about ever going to a game when that happens and the PS6 will have some pretty tight games.

I don’t want my kids to be reliant on technology to do things and think for them. But it’s not their fault. I enjoy these conveniences too because maybe I feel I had a harder upbringing that required more imagination and now I can just switch to auto-pilot. Doesn’t sound like living to me.

It’s not just technology, it’s everything in life where we can take a shortcut. Yes, it’s more convenient and easier, but there is something about learning how to do it… getting your hands dirty. All these things that are meant to make our life easier have drawn us further and further from the true experience. We’re getting the condensed version and pretty soon we trick ourselves into thinking that it’s the original.

My kids love pancakes. Because my wife and I are lazy, we buy the “just add water” mix. They’re not awful and my kids like them, but this weekend when I opted for the buttermilk version that required eggs and milk, I couldn’t believe how much better they tasted. Jake said they were better than Perkins. Better than Perkins! It took all but 1 egg and ¾ cup of milk to make that experience 100 times more enjoyable. Not everything is going to be this easy to get better results, but I can tell you that what you get out of it will so much more meaningful.

I am not saying throw away your cell phones and go back to the black and white television, but if you have a choice, choose the one that is more difficult and you’ll be better for it. I promise you this, I’ll never “just add water” again.

Letter to a son

I am way behind on these (my only one I've done so far) and need to do them for Mason as well.

9/8/09

Dear Jake,

Mommy wants us to start a tradition of writing you and Mason letters for your birthday so that one day you both can read them. We’ve been meaning to do this when you turned one, so I have a lot of catching up to do. Since this is my first letter, I don’t know how it’s going to go. I imagine that I’ll write you as if you’re a 5 year-old, but realize that you’ll be reading this as an adult someday. So when you do end up reading this, picture yourself at five and your daddy much skinnier and younger and hopefully with the same amount of hair.

First of all, Bud (I call you Bud and Dude a lot and hope that never changes) Happy Birthday! You are 5 today!!! I can’t believe it’s been five years since your Mommy and I brought you home from the hospital. You were born on a beautiful, sunny day in Minneapolis, MN on September 8^th, 2004. We checked in to the hospital around 6 PM. I had to go back down to park the car since I was parked illegally. When I came back up, you must have been so excited to see us because Mommy had already started delivering you. No more than 10 minutes later, you came into the world and forever changed our lives.

Now I had heard other Mommies and Daddies say the greatest moment in their lives is having their children. I never really knew what that meant until I finally saw you and heard your cries. I was overcome with emotion and super excited to finally meet you. I was scared to be a Daddy because you didn’t come with a manual, but of course I don’t really pay attention to manuals anyway. But Jakey, you made being a Daddy come naturally.

You were a very good baby and didn’t give us too many problems. We gave you baths on the bathroom countertop and you would stare at yourself in the mirror wondering who that cute baby was. We didn’t give you a haircut for quite a few months and you had some crazy hair, Dude. You were definitely my boy cause you sweat like Daddy. Everything we did with you was new…  your first smile, first laugh, first rollover, first tooth, first whatever was like a miracle.

Years have gone by and you’ve grown up to be an awesome kid. I think it’s more fun for me than it is for you. Mommy and I love your stories and how animated you get explaining things. You still show up in our bed in the middle of the night sometimes, but I don’t mind cuddling next to you. Mason came to us when you were three and you’ve been a great big brother ever since. I want you to always remember that Mason is not only your brother, but your best friend.

For a five year-old, birthdays mostly mean presents. You got a really good one this year with the electric Ford F-150 truck so enjoy it. Now you and your best friend Noah can cruise the cul-de-sac together. Toys and gifts will break down, but I hope you remember that the love your Mommy and I have for you will never go away. I’m excited to see how you will grow up and what kind of person you will become. I already know that you will be good person whatever you decide to do in life. In these five years, you have already made me a better person. So thank you, Son.

Love,

Daddy

Attitude

I am choosing to make today a good one. Enough of getting through another day. I will be productive. I will stay positive.

If you need help choosing what kind of day it's going to be, this song gets me going everytime.

Coldplay - Lovers in Japan (really crank it up at the 2:57 mark)

Where was I ten years ago?

I had been living in St. Paul for about 4 months, and my first job was selling windows, which required me to travel all over the Twin Cities. We only had to report to the office for meetings on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 10 AM so I set my alarm for 8 AM the night before, September 10th.

Set to a radio station when it went off, somewhere between reality and dreamland I decoded the deejay mentioning an explosion at the World Trade Center. My mind still drifting in sleep mode, I hit the snooze and quickly thought it must have been the anniversary of the first terrorist attack on the WTC in 1993. Nine minutes later I was awakened again and quickly shut off the radio to hit the shower.

My customary day, as it still does, was to watch Sportscenter while I got ready. While I expected to watch highlights, a ticker at the bottom caught my attention about a plane crashing into the WTC. I quickly turned to CNN and that's when I realized this wasn't an anniversary for the earlier attack.... little did I know this would be an anniversary all to itself. That's where I was... getting ready for work in my bedroom..

I was not sure whether to go to work or stay home so I called the office. My boss insisted the meeting was still on. At this time both towers had been hit making this more and more likely a terrorist attack instead of an accident. I thought about staying home, but since I had only been working for about 2 months, I thought better of it and made my way to work.

I was listening intently to the radio on the commute. The first tower collapsed as I started on my way. Somehow I managed to navigate my way to work. Maybe I was still sleeping I thought. But I knew I wasn't... this was too real. I finally made it to work a little before 10:30. Everyone was huddled around the TV where our meetings were held. I sat down and the second tower collapsed. Someone mentioned this had to be Osama Bin Laden... a name I had never heard before.

At that point in my life, I was more concerned about chasing the American dream. We all were. We took for granted about being able to see someone off at their gate in the airport. We could keep our shoes on and packed anything and everything in our luggage. Al-qaeda could have been a name of a salad dressing for all we knew.

The world was different. Especially in America, we were naive. We thought terrorism only happened in Europe, Israel, and the Middle East. We felt safe and secure. We had hit the snooze button on reality.

But the dream was too good to be true. 9/11 was an awakening. As citizens of this great country that gives us the opportunity to reach our dreams, this one day made us realize that the safety net of those dreams had holes in it.

Amazingly ten years have flown by. Slowly we have mended those holes and created more nets on top of nets. We are different and life won't quite be so innocent. The real question to ask is "How were you before 9/11?"

I can tell you this... I no longer wake up to a morning deejay.

The Curious Case of Peanut Butter

So we were dog sitting my sisters two Yorkies last weekend, Peanut Butter and Jelly, and I am reminded of why I wouldn’t get a pet anytime soon. Before I explain why, let me take you back 10 years ago. My sister and brother-in-law moved to St. Paul the same time I did so we found a place to live together. The dogs were three (Peanut) and two (Jelly) years-old at the time, which put them at 21 and 14 in dog years. They were lively and energetic much like I was as a 20-something. I lived with them for about three years and grew fond of both.

Tiny little Peanut in particular is a very smart dog that could tell you what he wanted if you presented him multiple choices. He would come up to my sister to get her attention. My sister would ask if he wanted some food… nothing… wanted to go outside… nothing… wanted to play… bingo! He would start pawing the ground with all four feet as if to say “Yes.” 

Fast forward to this past weekend. I don’t get to see Peanut often anymore, but when I do he looks the same docile, four-pounder I knew way back when. Before they left for a mini-vacation, my sister let me know that Peanut was having some struggles… couldn’t hear very well and not responsive… moved a little slower than usual. In other words, he was getting old.

So when we noticed bloody paw prints he was leaving, there was cause for concern. I looked at his paws and couldn’t find a cut. He doesn’t do multiple choice anymore so even he couldn’t tell me what was going on. So I thought maybe he got a small cut on his foot and it got better. The next day it happened again. When I went to pick him up to do an inspection, I noticed he hadn’t even moved all day long. I knew this because he was sitting in his pee. The blood was coming from a torn nail it turned out and Peanut was in too much pain to move. So I made my first international call ever (dial 011 first if you ever find yourself in the position) to let me my sister know and what I should do.

Like a concerned mom, my sister told me to take him to the Vet emergency clinic right away since he was in so much pain. My first question was, “Do I need proof of insurance?” (when you have kids, you need insurance). Nope. Just pay out of pocket.

So at 11 PM on Friday night, Peanut and I headed over to the clinic. As I pulled in, I noticed another guy parking at the same time. I was hoping this would take about 30 minutes so I quickly got us in before he and his lyme disease-stricken dog could check-in. I told the gal at the reception desk what was going on and she brought us into a room where she assured me the doctor would see us “as soon as possible.”

When you really think about it, as soon as possible is a very misleading phrase. It gives the receiver hope. We only say as soon as possible when we know it’s not going to be right away. In fact, if it was going to be right away, we would say “right away.” So next time you hear “as soon as possible,” plan for the worse.

Which is what I did… brought the wife’s Nook Color just so I could play Angry Birds. As Peanut and I waited in the room with the door open, I could hear everything that was going on in the other rooms and at the reception desk. A woman was given bad news about her dog and she was crying because she knew what that meant. An assistant went over to the room to see the dog with lyme disease, who checked-in after us by the way.  Thirty minutes into crashing birds into brick and mortar (which is ironic to do at a Vet clinic), a woman that had been waiting a whole ten minutes went to complain at the front desk about how long it was taking. Apparently her cat had just peed on the floor and demanded the drug to ease her cat’s pain. Since it was something so simple, she wanted to go the front of the line apparently. It felt like I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and Marley and Me at the same time.

About an hour into it, the assistant finally took a look at Peanut. She was more concerned about other things like his glaucoma and bloodshot eyes. She addressed a few more things and though I did notice then how cloudy his eyes were, I told her to just fix his toe for now. It felt like a mechanic trying to get me to buy a new car battery, radiator, and shocks even though I was just getting my oil changed. Then I heard it again, “The doctor will see Peanut as soon as possible.”

That was my queue to go eat some refreshments. As I was deciding between the complimentary Milky Way or bag of chips, the gal who was crying earlier got her lifeless dog back. It must have been a small dog like Peanut because they had it in a small white box like something you’d get at the local grocery store deli if you ordered an 8-piece chicken meal. She was balling her eyes as they handed her the box.

Milky Way if you were wondering.

Finally the vet came in. As soon as possible was this time only 30 minutes. He told me the procedure, that it would cost around $350 (for a toe nail!), and that they would do it “right away.” Booyah! I signed a few forms, they took Peanut away, and I went over to the lobby. About an hour later Peanut was back with a bandage on his paw. The receptionist gave me the dreaded words, “We’ll write up the receipt, get you his medicine, and discharge him as soon as possible.” Finally at 2 AM we headed home... the good news was it only cost $240. A pricey pedi if you ask me. (Do you lye critogel?)

Here’s the reason my I wouldn’t get a pet anytime soon. Peanut and I were essentially the same age when we first met. Ten years later I’m a little chubbier, have kids and more on my plate, but I have not gone through a lifetime like Peanut has in such a short period. He’s been on earth for 13 years, which is 91 in dog years. He is nearing the end of his life. I don’t know how people sign up to own a pet knowing that beforehand.

The next night after I had taken his bandage off, he finally strolled over to his bowl of food. With his tongue sticking out (all of his teeth needed to be taken out earlier this year), he slurped his watered down food. I stood there like a personal care assistant in a senior home watching him. It’s a straight line from bowl to bed, but Peanut stumbled and zig-zagged his way back. It was tougher to see him try to negotiate the four-inch climb up his bed. He got up and just about fell back off. After a few grunts he laid down.

It’s sad to know that Peanut is nearing the end especially since it only seemed like yesterday he was looking to play with you. I just hope that Death may not visit him right away, but more like as soon as possible.

(picture of Peanut and Jake as a baby will be posted later)